Team Sassypants

AND NOW: the hilarious tale of how I simultaneously created an Internet sensation and was let go from my full-time job.

The date: April 26, 2011

The scene: An open-air desk space cluttered with spec printouts, unused chopsticks, and comp-subscription tabloid rags in a downtown NYC ad agency.

2:10PM: The conditions were chaotic. I had been in meetings, briefings, and the often-nagging minutia of creating charts and timelines and updating spreadsheets all morning. Sometimes I don’t mind this - I crawl into my headphone zone and knock those things out with a strange passion driven by tunes blasting to incomprehensible volumes - just ask the people that sat within three rows of my workspace. But on this afternoon, I had only ingested a Vita Coco and snack bag of Cool Ranch Doritos by then, and… well… yeah. I was starving. It was also gorgeous outside, dudes all over New York were breaking out their man-dals, and I wasn’t exactly increasing my level of Vitamin D underneath rows of flourescent lights.

And then, like the light of Jacob’s Ladder beaming through an impenetrable cluster of cumulus clouds, my partner in Internet crime, the darling Brian Moore (of Dating Brian fame and such… such as in crying in front of Marina Abramovic and later airing on “The View” for all moms of America to see), informed me that our baby was ready to meet life: Tom Haverfoods! A single-serve meme site that embraced so many of my most favorite things in life: brilliant comedy writing, strong character acting, puns, and pop culture references. With the help of Brian, as well as my “girlfraaaands” Alyssa and Liz, we spent the greater part of Monday amassing a hysterical spec list of what WE would call foods if we were Tom Haverford. (In fact, when Aziz found us and passed us along to his fans, he fatefully picked one of each of our contributions: Butter Boats (me), Milk on the Rocks (Liz), and Cold Puppies (Alyssa).

2:12PM: I post the live site to my various social networks, as do my steadfast co-creators.

2:14PM: I get a cryptic inter-office phone call from a nearby conference room.

2:17PM: “We regret to inform you that your position has been eliminated. It’s just the nature of our business…” and then I just let it sink in. This was happening to me… AGAIN! Hilariously, I took this news just fine albeit being somewhat blindsided. Reason being: this was not my first layoff rodeo. I was let go from a magazine publishing house in 2008 - AKA the era of “PRINT IS DEAD!” - after only being in New York for four months, which is too short of a period to accrue enough time on the state’s books to qualify for unemployment. After being LITERALLY kicked to the curb once before and somehow prevailing, having some semblance of comfortable severance felt nearly victorious.

2:20PM: Exit room, dismissal package in hand. Start shaking uncontrollably. Get my shit together and shake it off. Call parents. Keep a straight face in the presence of my coworkers throughout the most open and transparent office space on the planet.

2:25PM onward: Continuously increase laughter and disbelief, while packing up my things. Say my goodbyes and head home - not bitter because of my job loss, but rather uncontrollably ecstatic over this project’s ability to bring pleasure to such a ridiculous amount of people. 

On what could have been a dark day, Tom Haverfoods remained my shining light. Our viewership was growing at rates that literally made my eyes bug out of my skull. By 3:15PM, Parks and Recreation creator Michael Schur and Aziz himself had both embraced the site. We were picked up by New York Magazine’s Vulture blog - my mecca of pop culture commentary and coverage - as well as The Daily What, Buzzfeed, The Frisky, Eater, Entertainment Weekly and The Huffington Post.

And now, 24 hours later:

• 164,000 unique visitors
• 2.8 million page views
• 30,000+ “Likes” on Facebook
• 2,000+ Tweets
• The marked awareness of Aziz and Amy Poehler on a red carpet!!!
• Coffee in bed in a room lit by only natural sunlight and “Terminally Chill” on repeat, not just as a means of maintaining my sanity, but because we should ALL be riding chillwaves in weather this nice

That is a near excessive amount of laughter and good will for one day!

People of the Internet: you have blown me away in these past 24 hours with your shared appreciation for humor and culture. I am proud to serve you and fuel your giggles! Now won’t you help me find a way to do this on a daily basis somehow somewhere?! It would truly mean everything.

Here are all the things I can do! Here is where you can write to me! I want to do so many things! I have so many other ideas and abilities tucked away within this head of red hair! But for now, I will continue to hold my head high, and stay hungry. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of this loveliness, endless interconnected Internet-land. I hope to hear from one of your inhabitants soon. But for now, please excuse me while I go prepare myself a cheesy flip-flip & Kevin Bacon with a side of flat chips and milk on the rocks for my ‘zert.

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